Things were running too smoothly. It simply would not be a Keeler family holiday without something going wrong. We had a car hire booked for pick up in the ‘scenic’ London borough of Lewisham. I’ve never had any desire to visit Lewisham. Not because of the reputation it has associated with its gang-youth violence problem, nor the fact that its infamous Millwall FC supporters were one of the most notorious hooligan gangs in England. Or even the fact that Mummy Margaret had repeatedly warned us to stay away from East London. No, it’s simply the fact that Lewisham, is a shit hole. We departed Mayfair and after a £60 taxi ride we arrived at around 1pm at ENTERPRISE RENT-A-CAR, Lewisham to be advised by the assistant manager that he had no vehicle for us. His name was Rokas Balcius and he’d clearly attended the Basil Fawlty school of customer care. He shrugged his shoulders, made no effort whatsoever to offer any alternate solution, and informed me that we should have booked earlier. The fact that I had a confirmed booking number was irrelevant as he claims he’d made attempts to contact us. The fact that I had no missed calls on my phone, and that he finally admitted that he didn’t actually have either my phone number or email would imply that his initial statement may have been bullshit? Keeping calm in a crisis is important. We considered all possible scenarios, including spending a night in Lewisham on the off chance of a suitable vehicle being available. As old mate Rokas said: “perhaps tomorrow”. After a Keeler family conference, the decision was made to get to Heathrow. To Rokas credit and given the very real threat from me that the Keeler’s would be spending the night on the floor of ENTERPRISE RENT-A-CAR, Lewisham or at his apartment, he arranged an Uber to Woolwich tube station. Of course the Uber XL was too small for all 6 of us and our luggage, so we were forced to order a 2nd Uber & split in to 2 groups. Uber #1 got dropped at the car park of the ‘Royal Arsenal Hotel’. Uber #2 at least got dropped at an underground station. The wrong one. Anyhow, we sorted it out and had a wonderful family reunion at the Woolwich underground and without any problems whatsoever (other than Blake & his oyster card) we took the 40 minute ride via the new & I must say very clean – Queen Elizabeth Line to Heathrow. It was good to get the smell of Lewisham out of our nostrils. We arrived at Heathrow. Rode the lifts up and down until we found the right floor. Finally, at SIXT-Rent a car, we had no choice but to take what we could get, so grabbed 2 vehicles (no people carriers anywhere). Louise got the Audi. I got the SKODA. Just a final note regarding Lewisham. On our way out, we drove around an abandoned crashed vehicle in the middle of the road and further along, a taped off police crime scene. Our research late last night revealed that a murder investigation has been launched after a 20-year-old man was found with knife injuries, on the street in Lewisham, and sadly passed away. Keep it real Lewisham. Still a shit hole
The Keeler's 